I want to get to know you. Tell me the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

Night Out

Standing outside the bathroom at Louie's I see through the saloon-style swinging doors that my old roommate Eric is leaning against the back wall throwing up into the left side of the piss trough while a junior pees into the right side. I point this out to Chris standing in line with me and we laugh and cheer him on. Eric stumbles out and I take his spot, trying to aim my stream so as to wash his vomit into the drain in the middle of the piss trough. I finish peeing and zip up my overalls and step through the doors to wash my hands in the sink between the bathrooms. Eric, standing at a table in the corner still holding his pitcher of beer, calls me over.
"Dennis, you're sorta my roommate so I guess I have to tell you this," beckoning me closer like he has a secret for me as I chuckle. "Steph got pregnant." His vomit breath smells awful next to my face and I try to maneuver to make it easier to avoid. Steph and Eric had dated for a while last year. She was a nice girl but not too bright and he wasn't the nicest boy, and the last time I had seen them together she had burst into his house saying "I just want you to know I think you're a piece of shit and you're not worth my time," and when she burst back out of the house I said "Serve 'em up" and filled our glasses with whiskey. This had happened on Tuesday and it's Thursday now so it makes even more sense now.
"That sucks man. What're you gonna do?" I try to ask but what can you really say to that in the middle of crowded Louie's on Thursday night? He says something about her taking some pill or something but it doesn't really make sense then he stumbles away. I try to think about it but the girl I like walks by so I go and try to talk to her but she's not interested so I get another drink and talk to my friend working the door then take off my shirt and wear just my overalls. I go to pee again and the vomit is washed away. We leave Louie's and go to Old's and I take my shirt off again and steal a pink umbrella from a girl I think is cute and interesting and go to bed alone again.

Untitled for now

We went out that night to one of the many bars that littered the island. A promoter had caught out attention with what seemed like a good deal on drinks so we followed him to his bar. I ordered two Red Bull vodkas and drank them quickly. Pat Tobi and Dan stuck with Jack and Cokes and spent a bit more time with them. We sat on the porch outside and watched the people walking around. The girls on the deck of the club next door caught our eyes so we watched them dance while Pat Tobi and Dan finished their drinks. After the drinks were gone we walked up the steps to meet the girls. Pat Tobi and Dan sat at a table next the the pole. There was no room left at their table so I went to the next one over. A man older than me and a girl about my age were sitting there. The girl was wearing what seemed to be a dress but turned out to be a robe. The breeze from the ocean had made the night cool and I guess the robe was to keep her warm and protected. I asked if they minded if I sat at the table and she said no and to go ahead. The man left shortly after I sat down.
The girl was taller than me and not beautiful but probably pretty under her makeup. I asked her name and she told me it was Lucy. I said my name was John. I told her how my friend and I were on the island for a couple days before going back to Spain to travel a bit more. She told me how she had come from Newcastle and wanted to be a teacher and was hoping to make enough money here to go back to school, and how she used to be one of the girls that walks around the island selling shots but that this paid better and was actually safer because the bouncers made no one touched her that shouldn't. She had a sweet voice and a friendly smile and I liked her accent. She asked if I wanted to see her naked and I said I would love to but I had spent the last of my money at the bar and probably wasn't charming enough to get her naked on my own, but thank you for the offer I'm sorry I don't have any money. She laughed and said it was okay and loosened her robe a little but not too much. She asked me how I liked the island and I said it was okay and seemed fun, but when she said it was dreadful and that she hated it I found myself agreeing with her. I told her how I had one more year of school and how I hated going to classes and she told me how she was excited to go back to England to finish up her schooling. The thought of this apparently reminded her why she was here and she said excuse me John but she had to go try to make some money but that it was nice talking to me. I agreed and said she was a nice girl and she got up and went inside to the bar, sidling up to a guy twice my age and rubbing his back lightly.
We stayed on the deck a bit longer talking to a girl that was swinging on the pole next to Pat Tobi and Dan's table. She brought us inside and showed us how to dance on the pole and we all tried it and took pictures. Before we left Dan said he wanted a lap dance and went with Lucy into one of the curtained off back rooms. She smiled and waved at me as she walked in. When they were done we left the club. Lucy watched us leave as Dan told us how he had tried to feel her up and how she had pinned his arms at his sides with his knees and Dennis let's go get a Doner Kebab. I said okay and laughed but turned around as we left to look one last time.

The Last of It

Uncle Terry woke to find his last cigarette had burned his index and middle fingers and a bluegill had worked his worm off the hook. He reeled in his line and hooked it into the bottom eyelet of his rod before picking up the box of Miller High Life and making his way across the lawn to the house, the empty bottles clinking in time with his steps. The sun had started to go down and the bugs had started to come out, mostly harmless swarms of black flies with the occasional horsefly circling his head. Uncle Terry placed the rod beside the back door and stepped inside, pausing for a moment to consider the sun disappearing over the tree line before locking the door behind him. The empty bottles in the recycling bin, he settled into his favorite chair and closed his eyes.

I guess I got left behind

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Email to Study Abroad Health Center

Hi,

I believe I have pink eye (conjunctivitis) and would like to get some medicine or something to get rid of it. Thank you.

Dennis

AWESOME!

“I took a master class with Billy Wilder once and he said that in the first act of a story you put your character up in a tree and the second act you set the tree on fire and then in the third you get him down.”

Things I Miss From the US

Bagels and cream cheese

Buffalo chicken (pizza, wings, subs everything)

Meatball subs

Normal pizza

Turkey sandwiches

Bacon
Taco Bell

I'm the worst

at falling asleep.
i guess i'll just lay in bed
until i have to get up.

(being drunk would help)

No Big Deal

We are pleased to inform you that we have accepted your piece “No Good Deed" for the 2011 issue of TheAlembic. We would appreciate it if you could e-mail us a copy of your work as an attachment. Also, if you could please submit a short biography via e-mail for our “Contributors Notes” we would greatly appreciate it. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us at alembiceditors@gmail.com. Thank you and congratulations. Please fill out the Contract and slip it under our office door: Library Basement Room 102.

 

Sincerely,

 

The Alembic Editors

Truer words have never been spoken (by a fictional character)

It's not the horniness, it's the loneliness.

-Michael Scott "The Office"

It sucks when ex-girlfriends' status things and such pop up in the Facebook news feed. It's worse when it's a video.

I know what I'm doing tomorrow

Dear CIEE students:

 

As you may (or may not) be aware, the CGT, a labor organization, has called for a (Spain-wide) general strike for tomorrow, Thursday, January 27^th.  It is expected that a minority of workers will be actually striking.  The purpose of the strike is to protest recent labor reform policies.   Our study center will be open and hold normal activity will be held.

 

However, it is very important that you be aware that police presence in the streets will most likely be intense tomorrow.  As in any event that attracts crowds of people, you should be specially cautious about your surroundings …While strikes are in most cases peaceful demonstrations, it is also important that you try to avoid places where people will concentrate.  Specifically, you should try to avoid the areas surrounding Plaza de Catalunya and Plaza Urquinaona after 3:00pm (since concentrations are expected, starting at 4:30pm).  It is probably a good idea that you also try to avoid the area surrounding the “Jardinets”, which is right at the cross-roads of Passeig de Gracia and Diagonal, which corresponds to Estación Diagonal of L3 (metro green line), where a concentration is planned at 5:30pm.

 

While classes will be held normally, if you live close to any of those areas and feel safer not leaving home (and thus, not attending your classes), please talk to your RD and your absence to CIEE classes will be excused.  Please do not hesitate to contact me or your RD should you have any questions or concerns.    Kind regards,

(Program Director)

A Strange Occurrence

I'm alone in my host mother's apartment because she doesn't come home until 8, like always. I'm eating in the kitchen and hear the doorbell ring. WTF? Is it the neighbor? Open the door, some guy's standing there who's not the neighbor. I tell him I'm living with Mercedes and she's not here, he tells me he wants to buy the apartment below this and was hoping to see what this one looks like because they're the same. Uhhh. I'm not comfortable letting people in here while she's not here. Please it will only take two minutes. Uhh ok fine. His wife comes up the stairs. I start bugging out even more than I had been. I show them my wing, the kitchen, the family room, and the door to Mercedes' wing. They're surprised that there are two bedrooms in her wing. They leave, the woman gives me a 20 euro bill, saying it's for me to get cafe. I try to say that it's fine but they're out the door already.

What just happened?

In case you need a reminder why girls suck, Part 2

missing my tony the tiger more than she'll ever know. happy birthday (name removed) you are the sexiest little flirt i know baby girl. I love you so much and am so happy to call you my sister and best friend. can't wait to see those sexi eyes and touch that lucious bummmmm baby girl!


I might just make this a regular installment. Both from the same girl too.

Tonight was a good night

Tonight was a good night. I got home from a long hike we took with the group at 5:00. I had been still drunk/hungover for most of the hike and confirmed my suspicion that I had established a reputation for myself in the short three weeks I've been here as "the kid who parties too much and skips class" (an almost verbatim quote from a girl after I introduced myself and she told me she knew who I was). I had forgotten a decent portion of the night before, including a wrestling match in the middle of the Metro and parts of a long and pretty emotional conversation with Briana, my ex-girlfriend and sometimes best friend (at school at least). I'd been pondering the implications of this new reputation for most of the day and wasn't sure if I liked how the some of the other people here saw me, but at the same time decided that I was willing to ignore their uneducated opinions of me and continue living the way I've enjoyed living here. After a nap and dinner with my host mother I went back to my room to think about planning the night. The kids I hang out with here (some of whom I think I can call friends now) had made some plans to pregame in one of the residencias before going out. I stayed in my room, reading Cracked.com articles and watching the first two episodes of The Office. I really like The Office. At 1:00 I left my apartment to meet my friends at one of my favorite bars here. They were all pretty drunk already and were happy to see me. I think they were surprised that I hadn't I drank a couple beers and felt pretty good. We stayed until closing time, the group splitting up as half went with girls to a club and half went home. I went home.
I'm more than just "the kid who goes out too much." I knew that already, but doing my own thing for a while and having a relaxed night the way I wanted to helped me prove it to myself. They might think I go out too much. Fine. I think they don't go out enough. (They don't at all). I can go nuts and party with the best of them, at least the best of them here, and I can also go out on my own and have two beers and watch the best of them be drunk like I usually am. I'm happy with that.

Quotes from the notebook

"I've had a lot of protein today." -Matt
"Oh God. Did you eat something spicy today?" -Pat
"...I usually don't do this." -Matt

"I kinda want to get a girlfriend just so I can cheat on her." -Pat

"Duhh. How can you have burgers and fries but no milkshakes? Like if I'm gonna be fat I want a milkshake too..." -Ava

"It's a little hard to notice but the tones are a little richer in the second one."
"Suck my dick."
-Joe

"I would. I'm a dirty dog. You would too Kyle. You're a salty dog." -Kev Mac

"I wanna pee the boat." -Chris

"The other day I jerked off to Youtube lesbians making out." -Johnson

"They have jawlines like you dream about." -Kyle

"When you have curly hair you have a mullet. I'm buying cigarettes." -Sig

Quick Thoughts from Barcelona

-Patatas bravas are real good.
-Tapas are real good in general.
-Apparently it's ketchup and mayonnaise here. Kinda weird.
-Jets fans sucks just as much here as back home.
-They don't take to kindly to F-E-E-T FEET FEET FEET chants. Nor to sticking your feet out towards them.
-The Metro (T) closing at 12 most nights makes getting home difficult. I've slept on my friend's floor two nights out of the last five.
-School sucks wherever you go.
-I'm a bad student wherever I go.

My host mother's childhood friend is dying of cancer and she's crying in the kitchen trying to make me dinner apologizing that she's crying. I don't know what I can do.

I think my host mother throws away the food I don't finish for dinner. This sucks because 1) I feel bad that she throws the food away that she made for me and 2) I have nothing to eat without remorse when I come home late at night other than expired yogurt with water.

Listen to Mumford and Sons, but not just Little Lion Man.

In case you need a reminder why girls suck

recovering from my wasted wednesday by celebrating thirsty thursday can't wait for fucked up friday and slizzard saturday followed by sunday funday and muddled monday... ONLY 19 AND SINGLE ONCE RIGHT LADIES?

56 minutes ago ·  · Comment

The government wants to take some $800 from my final paycheck. I think we should rebel.

Quick Thoughts from Barcelona

-La Sagrada Familia is the most incredible thing I've ever seen.
-People from Catalonia are very proud of their Catalonian heritage.
-I've had to pee terribly more consistently and more often than I ever have before.
-Antoni Gaudi was insane.
-The Metro is much much easier to navigate than the streets are.
-I've gotten lost for stupid reasons more than I should.

Wake up. 3 AM. Dark. “Going to hospital. Call in morning.” Half asleep. “Okay.” Fall asleep.

Wake up. 8:30 AM. Get out of bed. Dream? Parents not home. Look at caller ID record. DEACONNESS HOSPITAL. 2:45 AM. Scared. Call parents. “At Robinsons’. Get brothers dressed. Be back in minute.” Wake up brothers. Shower. Gather in parents’ room. Look at Dad. Something wrong. Start to cry. “Accident.” Dad cries. “Jim. Killed.” Really cry. Brothers scared. “Who will be my godfather?” Everyone cries.

Dressed. Wait for brothers to shower. Want to walk to Robinsons’. Wait. Drive to Robinsons’. Walk in door. Quiet. Robinsons sitting in family room. Hug Tina. Cry. Hug kids. Cry. Hug Andrew. Hold Andrew’s hand. Doesn’t cry. Man of the house. So strong. So proud. Sit together forever. Quiet. Lost. World stops.

Longest day. Friends arrive. Hugs. Tears. Feeble jokes. No laughs. Cars enter driveway. People enter house. People leave house. Eyes wet. Cars leave driveway. Replaced by new cars. New people. New tears. Help. Bring food from cars. So much food. Find space to put food. Don’t bother Tina. Can’t taste food. Keep kids distracted. Take mind off emptiness. Ha. Doesn’t work. Pretend it works. Hide tears from kids. Like Andrew. Doesn’t cry. Not yet. So young. So strong. Man of the house.

Late. Go home. Sit downstairs. Dark. Hold dog. Cry. Cry. Cry. Mom comes downstairs. Cry. “Breaks my heart to see you like this. Had special place in his heart for you.” Mom leaves. Hold dog. Dog sleeps. Cry. Go upstairs. Get in bed. Share room with brothers. Extra Robinsons in my room. Cry. Quiet. Don’t shake bed. Don’t wake up brothers. Cry. Fall asleep.

Wake up. 8 AM. Shower. First day of school. Junior year. Most important year. Don’t go to school. Go to Robinsons’. Hug Andrew. Hug Grandma Robinson. Try not to cry. Cry a little. Sit on couch. Watch movies. Stare at TV. Don’t pay attention. More people come. More food brought. More people leave. Don’t leave. Andrew jokes. Fake laugh.

Realize date. September 11. Don’t care. Not as bad as yesterday. Play waffle ball. Watch adults talk quietly. Pretend not to notice. Pretend to have fun. Pretend. Eat dinner. No taste. Hug Andrew. Hug kids. Hug Tina. Go home. Sit in bed. Brother asleep. School tomorrow. Cry quietly. Get out of bed. Go to parents. “I want to go back.” Go back to Robinsons’. Squint. Hide red eyes. “What about school tomorrow?” Smile. Fake swagger. “I don’t need school.” Sit on couch. Watch movie. Pick Andrew’s clothes for wake. “Red ties tomorrow.” Go home. Go to bed. Cry quietly. Not as much. Sleep.

Wake up. 7 AM. School today. Wake today. Introductions to teachers. Questions from friends. Hugs from good friends. Drift through classes. Leave early. Go home. Write letter to Jim. Put on pants. Put on jacket. Put on red tie. Drive to funeral home. Go upstairs with kids and friends. Eat cheap food.

Go downstairs. Skip line. Kneel at casket. Can’t see through tears. Jim looks fake. Put letter next to Jim. Touch Jim’s chest. Hug kids. Hug younger friends. Hug Tina. Shake adults’ hands. “You’re a good friend.” Nod. Fake smile. Means nothing. Jim still dead. Strangers walk through line. Strangers kneel at casket. Some strangers cry. Tina cries. Cries. Stops crying. New friend comes through. Cries again. Andrew doesn’t cry. Stands with Tina. Shakes strangers’ hands. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Andrew nods.

Strangers leave. Close friends stand around. Hug each other. Leave. Robinsons’ leave. Andrew stays. Sit in front of funeral home. Andrew cries. Cries. Cries. “Why? He’s gone. Why?” Sit with Andrew. Arm around shoulders. Glare at passing cars. This is my friend. Don’t you dare look at his pain. Dad brings car to front. Hugs Andrew. Get in car. Go to Robinsons’. Go home. Cry. Sleep.

Wake up. 8 AM. Funeral today. Skip school. Shower. Put on pants. Put on red tie. Put on jacket. Drive to church. Walk in with procession. Andrew cries. Tina doesn’t cry much. Andrew’s sisters don’t cry much. All cried out. Andrew has tears to get out. Reserved seats. Mom gives speech. Cry. Jim’s twin gives speech. “Fierce friend.” Pulls out sword. Funeral ends. Gather outside church. Try to find Robinsons. Robinsons get in car quickly. Want to hug Andrew. Go to reception. Hug Andrew. Reception ends. Go to Robinsons’. Stay til dark. Go home.

Wake up. 7 AM. Shower. School today. Life back to normal. Something’s missing.